You Know You're
in a Redneck Church If:
- The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase
of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
- If people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether
the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch
- When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the
offering," five guys and two women stand up.
- Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church
- A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
- The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
- In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names
in the church directory.
- Baptism is referred to as "branding."
- High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
- People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something
- The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
- The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo
from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
- The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
- Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.
- The minister and his wife drive matching pick up trucks.
- The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Pink Tickle."
- "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
- The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!!
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