God touched my life many years ago. I learned to have a relationship with God and morphed into an evangelical fundamentalist. I was an elder in a church where we all knew gays were horrible evil creatures with an agenda.
In a loveless marriage, I prayed for love. God always assured me He loves me, and I cried back: But I need human love, with skin on it!
The busy suburban rat race finally slowed down and gave me a chance to think about my own life. I attended some meetings where gay people discussed their lives, and I started thinking, "Hello, could that be me? I might be gay? I think I am. I AM! I'm so damned happy to know who I am - but will God still love me?"
In the gay community I met other gay men, saw and felt love for the first time. An answer to years of prayer? I'm so damned happy! But will God still love me? I prayed. God assured me over and over that all was well - I could be happy without the question mark.
I was so happy I tried to explain to my pastor how this could be God's plan for me; how God was opening doors, closing others, and watching over my transformation. Well, you know how that went over with the evangelical church. They gave me a list of Bible verses to study and offered to help me straighten out (I don't think they intended the pun). But I have this strong imminent relationship with God and He says I'm okay. He says He made me that way. Thank you for finally figuring it out.
The pastor and the other elders went bonkers when I went back and told them I didn't want to be straight. For the first time in my life I know who I am and I'm happy. I'm not going to give that up and God tells me I don't have to.
Life would have been very different if I'd known from early on that I'm gay. I would have existed in a black corner of my soul loathing myself and looking for forgiveness; never daring to dream God could accept queer me, that a homosexual might have a relationship with God. Thank you, God, for grounding and centering me first.
I share my story because it belongs to all of us. Is someone out there in a dark corner? Stop listening to yourself. Go to the Boss - talk to God and find out you are okay. You are accepted. You are welcome and you are loved.
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