The New Testament According to Dr. Seuss

By: Unknown (but reportedly, The Kids in the Hall)


And now for the Dr. Seuss Bible:

One day God said, "This is what I will do:
I'll send down my son. I'll send him to you
To clear up this humpity bumpity hullaballoo.
His name will be Christ and he'll never wear shoes.
His pals will all call him 'The King of the Jews.'"

He didn't come in a plane.
He didn't come in a Jeep.
He didn't come in a pouch
Of a high jumping Voveep.

He rode on the back of a black Sassatoo
Which is the blackiest creature you ever could view.
He rode to Jerusalem -- home of the grumpity Jews
Where false prophets were worshiped -- some even in twos.

There was Murray VonMyrrh and Ghengis Vovooz --
The one you could worship by taking a snooze.
Christ spoke from a mound
Which is a pile of ground.
People gathered around
Without making a sound.

Thus he spake:
"Sin in socks
Socks full of sin.
How do we quiet
This Jehovaty din?
Do unto others as they do unto you.
That includes you, young Timothy Foo."

One Pharisee said to another he knew,
"What shall we do with this uppity Jew?"
"Let's wash him in wine and make him all clean
And into Sam Zittle's crucifiction machine."

Twirl the Gawhirl
And release the Galeese
And in go the nails
As fast as you please.

And it is said
That he said as he bled,
"Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.
For they walk throughout life in toe crampity shoes."

Do you?
Amen.

Copyright © 2003 by the author
All Rights Reserved


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