|
It seems that from our very youngest days we have developed the habit of
asking "Why?" Our young, inquiring minds need to learn the explanation for
everything we see and hear, and even for the absence of some things and
people from our lives. As an almost natural progression we apply the law of
cause and effect to incidents and events in our lives. We have a compulsion
to identify good things as happening because ... and equally, bad things as
happening because ... and we fill in the gaps with the names of people,
governmental agencies, the quirks of nature and/or God.
It is very strange that so few people attribute the good, pleasant and happy
circumstances in their lives to God. Instead to God are ascribed all
hurtful things which happen to us as individuals or to others. "God, why
did you let this happen?" is a frequent comment from many in distress. In
fact, if we were to be honest and list those events we truly believe God
could or should have prevented occurring, we would be surprised to discover
we do have a string of events for which we choose to censure God. When I
started thinking about events that have occurred during my lifetime, which
just maybe God could have prevented, I totaled two pages of complaints. I
really needed to sort out my own thinking, my own need to point a finger or
attribute blame, before I could let go of these hidden wounds and enjoy a
healthy mindset. Why do I, why do any of us, choose to vent our anger and
frustration on God? Today I'd like to share with you my own journey as I
dealt with this unresolved anger against God.
First I re-read all the complaints I had directed at God, and discovered
that none of them dealt with events that impacted on my own life, rather all
dealt with social justice issues. Did I not have any unresolved issue in my
life? I took stock of my life, almost as a casual observer, and though
there were many periods in which I knew pain, isolation and betrayal, all
these had become keys that opened up my life to greater experiences of God
and to wider areas of ministry. There is no unresolved anger or bitterness
in my life because in bringing my every moment into God's presence in
prayer, I am continually healed by God's balm.
To the list I returned, deciding to group my concerns into various baskets
of similar concerns. Into the first basket I put issues related to abuse of
power by those in authority including denial of social and medical benefits
or full justice to the poor, marginalised groups, indigenous peoples, gays,
lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people.
In the next basket are the issues which relate to selfishness and greed -
stockpiling of foodstuffs while over half the world's people are starving,
profiteering and theft of foodstuffs donated by aid projects, and dictators
amassing power by the subjugation of their own people and the people of
neighbouring countries.
Products of war are contained in the next basket - the atrocities committed
by the Third Reich, the bloodbaths in Rwanda, Kosova, Ireland and Indonesia
and now in Palestine and Israel. Also included are the plight of women and
girls raped during warfare, and children being impressed into armies.
The final basket contains the issues of exclusion: churches that have shut
out people because they fear all who are different. Those different ones
include those excluded by gender identity, racial identity, poverty,
physical or intellectual disabilities. Within those same churches there is
gender exclusion of women from positions of authority or from
decision-making committees - such as being elders or priests. Many areas of
employment are closed to those deemed to be unsuitable because of their
gender identity, and some families close out those members who do not lead
"normal" lives.
These baskets contained the pain and suffering of others, those things which
cause us to exclaim that "life just isn't fair." But then again, who ever
promised us that life was fair, that fate's cards would be dealt honestly,
with none emerging from the bottom of the pack? Realistically, nothing I
could do would change events that had already occurred, but my anger had to
be diffused. Finally I carted all these baskets into God's presence and
asked my Parent to take care of them, as I no longer could afford to wear
these injustices like the proverbial albatross hanging around my neck. In
my heart I knew, and so to God I acknowledged, that every episode of pain
and fragmentation contained in those baskets had been the work of humanity.
Then I asked God what I could do to transform my anger into a passion to
address human rights abuses. And God asked me if I would serve the needs of
all who were hurting.
As a lesbian priest I hear the pain in the voices of my community as society
refuses to acknowledge our cry for justice and equality. In my body I sense
the physical blows that are directed at my brothers and sisters by those who
believe that they have the right to abuse us violently. I hear the cries of
those who are affected by life-threatening diseases such as cancer and AIDS,
and their voices asking for an explanation as to why God allows such cruel
medical conditions. As a human I need to find a reason for every violation
of the rights of people to live in a world where there is sufficient to eat,
enough medical resources in every village and city, and a lasting peace.
When my logical mind cannot make sense of humanity's power games and
selfishness, when I can find neither reason nor excuses for such behaviour,
I have tended to berate God for the mess humanity has created. And herein
lies the clue to every dilemma with which we are faced, it is humanity -
you, me and the rest of us - who have created the chaos this planet endures.
Sure, God could reach down like Superman and stop speeding cars and
run-away trains. But to do so would violate and annul God's specific gift
to each of us - free will. While we may easily recognise unwise choices
that result in cars exceeding the speed limit, we may well ask what diseases
such as cancer have to do with free will. I believe the diseases to which
we are subject exist in direct relationship to the conditions we, as humans,
have created.
With the gift of free will God enables us to mature as adults, capable of
making wise and life-sustaining choices. We choose to eat or to go without;
in countries ravaged by famine we find adults who give their children all
available food, and keep none for themselves. We choose whether to sleep a
reasonable number of hours, to party all night or to keep prayer vigils.
Likewise we may choose to blame God for every misfortune that comes our way,
or we may look more closely at the events that have impacted on our lives.
We can choose to believe the lie that God's face is turned away from all
GLBT people, or we may discover that as we pray God is still there, still
loving us as our Parent. Let the blame fall where the lie is perpetuated,
on the shoulders of those people, organizations and churches that have
sought to keep us as "the other," separated from our rightful relationship
with God.
We know that it is the fears conjured up by ignorance and intolerance that
often cause family members to slam the door in our faces and exclude us from
their lives. Yet so often it is easier for us to apportion blame to God,
rather than becoming involved in a process of education for heterosexuals so
that the myths about homosexuals may be debunked. We know that every cent
we spend on total self-indulgence could be directed to agencies whose
dedicated work provides food and industries within communities in third
world countries. We are aware that when we shut our ears to the demands for
justice from not only indigenous peoples, but also from those whose lands
have been invaded by power-hungry despots, we perpetuate their misery. If
we really are passionate about issues of social justice, it is to God we
turn to hear just what part we may play in bringing the reality of the
Dominion of God into the lives of people right across the globe.
Angry with God? Surely we are - for however long it takes us to bring the
incidents that have exacerbated our anger into God's presence, being
prepared to abandon our role as helpless observer and assume the
responsibility of being a servant, as Christ was a servant, of humanity.
|
John J. McNeill Maurine C. Waun
Other Articles by Rev. Vera I. Bourne:
Also In This Issue:
Blessed Bi Spirit: Bisexual People of Faith
|