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I sing a song that has the lyrics in it: " You call in prayer to
find him there, and you wonder where He went. Best remember He's still with
you for your needs to supply, just hold on to His promises and on His word
rely."
How many times have I prayed to God, "Hey, are you really there?
How come you won't hear me?" Yet, I Know He is there because He
always answers my prayers in time. Just because God is sometimes
silent, doesn't mean He isn't listening!
How do I deal with the silence of God? Sometimes it's not easy. I
have even shouted at God, gotten angry, and still His love is
there. He takes me into his arms and holds me when I am hurt, when I am
down, when I don't have enough money at the end of the month to pay all the
bills. God supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory!
I can only have faith, because I have nothing else. But, I rest assured that
in God's time He will answer my prayers -- maybe not always what I want to
hear -- but nonetheless, His grace is sufficient!
To me God is never really silent -- we just are deaf to what He has to say to us!
I have struggled with my own sexuality and often thought God wasn't
listening when I asked him why I feel so condemned and all alone and
why is everyone turning away from me. I was around 39 when I actually came out "full force"! Boy did I think my prayers fell on deaf ears then! I kept
praying, "God show me something. Let me know why I feel this
way. Why don't you show me if I am loved, and can still be gay!" I
cried and even considered suicide! My family and friends turned from me. I felt like I was all alone!
It took time before I got a response, but got one I did, and it was this: "I love
you my child for who you are. I created you and I know your
heart. Never lean upon your own understanding but in all ways
acknowledge me and I shall direct your paths!" In this I can
rest assured that God is there when we call on him, for He shall
never leave us, nor forsake us but sometimes we just need to
learn to listen a little bit harder!
Before I could hear God speaking I had to get "me" out of the way. I had to learn to put
aside the hurt, the bitterness and unwillingness to forgive that I had in my life for those
who hurt me so badly... who I thought loved me for me ... only to discover that they didn't! God's silence taught me to trust Him more and
to wait upon Him. I now know that there really is a time when He wants us to
just wait and be patient ... to learn to trust God ... and not
always "want" answers immediately. I didn't say I understood all
this but I trusted God in faith and learned that when God is
silent it's because he is doing a work in me and I will come out better
than I was before!
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The Presence of Absence : On Prayers and an Epiphany Doris Grumbach
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