I'm a 22 year old woman, both a Christian, and a lesbian. I became
a Christian when I was about 7 years old, and grew up in the
church. I was home-schooled, and attended a private Christian
school at my church.
When I graduated from high school, I decided to attend a small
state college not far from my home. While I was there, I
encountered a lot of things that I didn't understand. One of them
was falling in love with my best friend. I had always been taught
that homosexuality was wrong, and that
anyone who told me anything different from what I was taught by
the church was in the wrong, and twisting scripture.
I never had a boyfriend or any kind of romantic interest in anyone. I
just believed that was the way I was, and didn't know it was
different than most other people felt. Needless to say when I
realized my feelings for my best friend, I was confused and
devastated. I thought that God had let me down, that I had trusted
Him with my life, and committed to serving Him, and that He had
made some kind of mistake. There was no way I could be a
My best friend and I tried very hard not to love each other. We
were both Christians, and begged God to take these feelings from
us. I searched the Internet and read every book on homosexuality
that I could get my hands on. It became obvious to me that
somehow I was going to have to accept the fact that I was a
lesbian, and find out how to follow God and be gay.
I realized that I needed to have faith to accept that God made me
exactly as He wanted me to be, and that He loves me exactly as I
am. I was much more ready to struggle against being gay, than to
accept that God knows that I'm gay, and loves me anyway.
I realized that I am a lesbian about two years ago, and today, I'm
very excited to see where God takes me. I'm trusting that He has
a purpose for the struggles that I've gone through, and will go
through as I begin to out myself to my family, and tell them that I
plan to "marry" my best friend. God is faithful, and I will do my
best to be faithful as a Christian lesbian in an overwhelmingly non-
gay only Christian world.
Copyright ©1999 by the author
I am bisexual. A simple little statement of fact. Yet it took me over
twenty years to say those words. Christians are supposed to be
heterosexual, aren't they? However, I have been attracted to both sexes
since I was old enough to be interested in sex. All of the preachers that I
heard said that God would give you the grace to be heterosexual if you
really wanted to please Him. That was confusing because they also said that
God created my body. My body is most definetely attracted to both sexes.
Therefore, God created me bisexual but wanted me to live as a heterosexual?
That just doesn't make sense!
I have tried to live as a straight person; denying the gay part of my
sexuality. Praying that God would take my desire for men away. He never
has. Therefore I stayed in the closet and hoped that no one in the
Christian community discovered my secret.
My experimentation with boys happened during my pre-teen and teen years. My
parents just thought it was a phase and that I would grow out of it. I
didn't grow out of it. I just learned to keep it to myself. Since good
christians are straight aren't they?
As an adult I met a woman that I had been friends with in grade school. We
started having lunch together on a regular basis. We ended up becoming best
friends as adults. One evening we were sharing some very personal things and
I ended up telling her I am bi'. She started laughing. When she caught her
breath she told me that she is also bi'. So now we are two bisexual
christians looking for a church where we will both feel comfortable. Bi'
the way we are also engaged to be married.
My parents still don't know that I am bi'. However, I have made some major
changes in my life and my parents don't quite understand why. I have moved
to be closer to my bi' fiance. I have started going to a different church
and I am not as conservative in my political views as I once was.
Copyright ©1999 by the author
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From Wounded Hearts: Faith Stories of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered People and Those Who Love Them
by Roberta Showalter Kreider (Editor)
Called OUT: The Voices and Gifts of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered Presbyterians
Jane Adams Spahr (Editor) Kreider (Editor)
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The Transformed Cynic