Emily Ramsey’s Story
I’m a 22 year old woman, both a Christian, and a lesbian. I became a Christian when I was about 7 years old, and grew up in the church. I was home-schooled, and attended a private Christian school at my church.
When I graduated from high school, I decided to attend a small state college not far from my home. While I was there, I encountered a lot of things that I didn’t understand. One of them was falling in love with my best friend. I had always been taught that homosexuality was wrong, and that anyone who told me anything different from what I was taught by the church was in the wrong, and twisting scripture.
I never had a boyfriend or any kind of romantic interest in anyone. I just believed that was the way I was, and didn’t know it was different than most other people felt. Needless to say when I realized my feelings for my best friend, I was confused and devastated. I thought that God had let me down, that I had trusted Him with my life, and committed to serving Him, and that He had made some kind of mistake. There was no way I could be a lesbian.
My best friend and I tried very hard not to love each other. We were both Christians, and begged God to take these feelings from us. I searched the Internet and read every book on homosexuality that I could get my hands on. It became obvious to me that somehow I was going to have to accept the fact that I was a lesbian, and find out how to follow God and be gay.
I realized that I needed to have faith to accept that God made me exactly as He wanted me to be, and that He loves me exactly as I am. I was much more ready to struggle against being gay, than to accept that God knows that I’m gay, and loves me anyway.
I realized that I am a lesbian about two years ago, and today, I’m very excited to see where God takes me. I’m trusting that He has a purpose for the struggles that I’ve gone through, and will go through as I begin to out myself to my family, and tell them that I plan to “marry” my best friend. God is faithful, and I will do my best to be faithful as a Christian lesbian in an overwhelmingly non- gay only Christian world.
Brian Bennett’s Story
I am bisexual. A simple little statement of fact. Yet it took me over twenty years to say those words. Christians are supposed to be heterosexual, aren’t they? However, I have been attracted to both sexes since I was old enough to be interested in sex. All of the preachers that I heard said that God would give you the grace to be heterosexual if you really wanted to please Him. That was confusing because they also said that God created my body. My body is most definetely attracted to both sexes. Therefore, God created me bisexual but wanted me to live as a heterosexual? That just doesn’t make sense!
I have tried to live as a straight person; denying the gay part of my sexuality. Praying that God would take my desire for men away. He never has. Therefore I stayed in the closet and hoped that no one in the Christian community discovered my secret.
My experimentation with boys happened during my pre-teen and teen years. My parents just thought it was a phase and that I would grow out of it. I didn’t grow out of it. I just learned to keep it to myself. Since good christians are straight aren’t they?
As an adult I met a woman that I had been friends with in grade school. We started having lunch together on a regular basis. We ended up becoming best friends as adults. One evening we were sharing some very personal things and I ended up telling her I am bi’. She started laughing. When she caught her breath she told me that she is also bi’. So now we are two bisexual christians looking for a church where we will both feel comfortable. Bi’ the way we are also engaged to be married.
My parents still don’t know that I am bi’. However, I have made some major changes in my life and my parents don’t quite understand why. I have moved to be closer to my bi’ fiance. I have started going to a different church and I am not as conservative in my political views as I once was.
Founder of Motley Mystic and the Jubilee! Circle interfaith spiritual community In Columbia, S.C., Candace Chellew (she/her) is the author of Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians (Jossey-Bass, 2008). Founder and Editor Emeritus of Whosoever, she earned her masters of theological studies at Emory University’s Candler School of Theology, was ordained by Gentle Spirit Christian Church in December 2003, and trained as a spiritual director through the Omega Point program of the Episcopal Diocese of Atlanta. She is also a musician and animal lover.