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We as Gay and Lesbian Christians have a special knowledge, a
significant experience with the forgiveness of God. For many of us, being
lied to by mainstream Christianity caused us to walk away from the Christ of
love. Coming back to God years later to search for the truth, required a
great deal of courage and humility. It is very frightening to ask the God of
all creation if we as a people are truly outcasts in
His/Her sight. The entire process of being forced to leave God because of
those who misrepresent God, and of being called "abominations" to God has
left many of us with deep scars of shame or guilt and the need to receive
forgiveness at the deepest level of our soul. As disenfranchised Christians
we share this as a common cord in our understanding and acceptance of God's
love and grace. While we could sidetrack at this point and go into an angry
rage toward those who lie to us about not being able to be gay and Christian,
I think it is best for all of our souls if we leave that to God. It is a
serious indictment of someone to accuse them of stealing a person's faith.
Mark 9:42 is not just written for children. The word children has also been
interpreted as "believers".
It is best left to God to deal with it. The lies and bigotry of mainstream
religion has caused many of us to stumble and fall away. The road back is
painful, frightening and very uncertain. Marcus Borg writes in The Meaning of Jesus, "God was accessible to
the marginalized because Jesus was from the marginalized himself. Jesus knew
that tradition and convention were not sacred in themselves but, at best,
pointers to and mediators of the sacred, and at worse, a snare. Jesus knew
an oppressive and exploitative social order that legitimated itself in the
name of God and he knew that this was not God's will."
One of the most beautiful stories of forgiveness that many gay and
lesbian Christians relate personally to is the story of the Prodigal Son in
Luke 15:11-32. The
two sons could easily represent today's Christian communities. The older son
would
represent the straight, fundamentalist Christian community and the younger son
the
gay/lesbian Christian community. How many of us have felt driven away from
God
by our straight Christian brothers and sisters. We gathered up our spiritual
possessions and left the church. After years of wandering trying to find the
connection that we had lost, that old familiar feeling of love and care, we
decided that the only way is to go back. We are driven to find out if we are
truly welcome in the Kingdom of God. Perhaps someone has told us that God is
seeking after us and it's really O.K. Perhaps they've told us that for
years, and we didn't believe them. Perhaps we were worried about the older
brothers or sisters (straight fundamentalist Christians) not accepting us as they
did before. They threw rocks and stones at us before. They called our jobs,
our wives or husbands, or our parents, to tell them that we were gay. Why would it
be any different now? Could we go back and not tell them that we are gay?
Just go to church. But then God doesn't accept dishonesty and that's putting
negative energy into denying who we really are. That wouldn't work for very
long. Spiritually we're dying with hunger, we have no spiritual money
(gifts, blessings) and as we pass by we see through the windows of life that
there are Christians experiencing revival. The heavens are opening. We want
that.
We want our relationship with our creator back. Our souls thirst for those
blessings.
While it is true that we walked away from God before, it is also
true that we were driven out, forced to make that walk by those who baptized
us and broke their vows to us of support and community. Just like an older
siblings betrayal to a younger one. So we muster all the courage that we
can, grab the hand of a kindly pastor or friend that says we can be a part of
God's kingdom, and we cautiously take one step across the line of heaven. We
Don't know how we'll be received. Perhaps God will be angry at us for
leaving. Perhaps we are an abomination and we're not wanted at all! Perhaps
we no longer deserve to be called God's children. So we decide the safe way
is to ask God if we could just work for him - be a servant. We could have a
little of God's glory in exchange for doing the work that nobody else wanted
to do. So we say, "God I have sinned and I am no longer worthy to be called
your son or daughter, let me be like one of your servants" (vs. 18,19). But
something strange happens. The words aren't even out of our mouths when God
hugs and kisses us. God immediately gives us new clothes. He/she orders a
feast prepared, and shows us to our new room in the house of his/her love.
It is a time of celebration! Heaven has a party because we came home! We
can hardly believe it. A simple thank you or "Praise the Lord", falls flat
in response to the joy and elaborate preparations for our arrival. We stand
in awe of our God who is bigger then all of the problems; bigger then all of
the bigotry and has been waiting for us. Then we know for sure that our
older brother and sisters were wrong. There is no mention of "abomination" here,
only joy of return. Some of our older brother and sisters are partying with us,
but many others of them are not happy that we're back. They still cling to
misinterpretation and mistranslations of the Bible that claim that we are
unwanted. They cling to their hatred even though they see the celebration
that God has thrown for us. They pick up their stones, but this time God
stops them. God tells us to go back to our community and tell everyone that
there is forgiveness and love available. The only way to stop the lies of
our older brothers and sisters is to tell the truth to the ones that have been
so hurt by them. So as they heckle us on our parade routes and activities,
we have to love them. We hope that someday they'll gain love and
understanding and be able to leave their hate behind and experience the joy
with us. We counter their lies and hatred every time another church joins the
ranks of those that support us; every time a church has a booth at a gay
pride festival or march's in a parade. The number of supportive churches is
growing. We are loved by our God who says "Be Joyful, you were lost but now
you are found." Dear readers, this is not a fairy tale. This is the
experience of thousands of your gay brothers and lesbian sisters.
We experience the great well of the forgiveness of God as it
overflows into our
lives. It touches our souls and heals us. It guides us and teaches us God's
ways. Only God can forgive and only God can teach us what true love is. God
will find us and meet us where we are. It only takes the first step over the
line of heaven. Jallen Rix wrote a song called "Down At Stonewall" :
I saw Jesus down at Stonewall.
Now I always see him down there.
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The Meaning of Jesus : Two Visions by Marcus Borg
by John Michael Berecz
by J. Everett Worthington (Editor)
Other Writings By L. Louise:
Is Fundamentalism Right for the Gay Christian?
Also In This Issue:
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