by: John H. Campbell
"Where there is love,
-Bob Hurd
Those beautiful lines are the chorus to a hymn that I sang
for the
opening of the Valentine's Day service of my church a few weeks ago,
and they
express for me what God, Jesus, and Christianity are all about to
me. Love is
the central focal point of my faith in God, and in fact, "love" is
about the
closest to a "definition" of God as I can get. Love is something we
talk
about a great deal at church, and we do our best to practice it
every moment
we can, even when at times it can seem difficult in our day to day
lives. It
is no coincidence to me that the pastoral prayer and the prayer
ending the
sermon each week begins with the words, "Loving Spirit," when we
enter into
prayer with our Creator to give thanks for all we have, express our
concern
for others in need, and reflect on what wisdom and inspiration we
may have
found from what has been shared. I so often tell others that I feel
that the
best way we can show our gratitude to God for all we have been
blessed with is
through showing our love for one another, for each and every one of
God's
Children, and for the love of the lives God has blessed us with.
Jesus
Himself extolled the value of Love over Law when speaking to the
religious
leaders of His day. It to me is ironic that when many of the
religious
leaders of today are quick to point out that Jesus would condemn
this person
or that person or this behavior or that that the only thing He ever
seemed to
"condemn" was being unloving towards another of God's Children.
It is diffiuclt for me to define "love". It is almost easier
for me to
define what love is not. I once thought that love was about being
madly
infatuated with someone and caring deeply about someone to the point
that we would do anything at all for that person, and that love was about us
changing
to become what would make that person happy instead of being
ourselves so that
we could be loved more. Imagine my surprise when God lovingly
allowed me to
learn the lesson profoundly (until I finally comprehended, and sometimes
those lessons are the most difficult) that real love, unconditional love, is
the exact
opposite. Love is about not having to change who we are for someone,
but in
our ability to be ourselves as God created us and to be loved,
valued and
affirmed for that by someone, and the ability to give that gift to
another. I
can honestly say that the fact that I am bisexual is something that
God has
blessed me with that I might learn more about what real and
unconditional love
truly is. And it was only due to God's rescuing me from a path of
chasing
madly after a love that was conditonal and somewhat false that I was
able to
fully accept myself, understand this, and become a more loving human
being.
I recall being deeply in love with someone but due to my
enslavement to fear, I was unable to be honest with myself and
therefore unable to be honest with the one who I loved. All too often
in our relationship, I found myself agreeing with opinions that I did
not share, so that she might love me more. All too often I found
myself hiding my feelings for fear that she would never understand my
bisexuality and that she would cease loving me if she ever found out.
And all too often I found myself concerned with what her reaction
would be if she knew the truth.
And when she abandoned me, before I even had a chance to share the
truth about me with her, and my life fell apart, I was
emotionally devastated. It was a heartbreaking expereince, but I now
understand why it happened. During that time I have found a love that
no one can ever take away from me and that is God's Love. I never have
to hide my sexuality or be ashamed of it in God's Presence. I never
have to be dishonest and withhold the truth. I never have to be
afraid that I will be abandoned. I know God will always be there for
me. Interestingly enough, since the time we have been apart, I have
discovered that she may be bisexual herself. It makes me wonder if
someday, God plans for us to share our truth with each other
honestly, openly and I can help her find the love and acceptance that
she needs from God through the liberating teachings of Christ.
Love challenges us sometimes, it challenges us just as the
love in
action present in Jesus challenged the Pharisees that He called
"whitewashed
tombs" who made a big display of how well they followed the letter
of the Law
but seemed devoid and empty of love for others and more concerned with
following every detail, at the expense of their heart and soul. If
a person
has all these wonderful rules and rituals but has not love, what
then, do they
have? For some, following religious rules may be the way they
express their
love for God, but when they attempt to force others to
adhere to the same rules, they can act in decidedly unloving ways. In attempting to withhold God's love from others I feel they are
not only attempting to keep others locked out of the Kingdom of Heaven but are
ultimately keeping themselves out of the Kingdom as well. Have many
Christians missed the mark of what Jesus seemed to
teach
more clearly than anything, that love overrides the human need for
strict
rules and regulations that would limit the sharing of God's
Unconditional Love
with all the rest of creation, the "least of these?" Real love
demands no
compliance to any certain behavior in order to be given, just as
with God's
love and the love Jesus embodied, it is given freely and
unconditionally, no
questions asked.
That is why I become so hurt when those Christians would
attempt to
intimidate and in my opinion insidiously coerce gays, lesbians,
bisexuals,
and transgendered people to conform to their will rather than Gods
will for
their lives through promoting guilt, fear, and a feeling of
self-hatred and
hiding it behind something so sacred and holy as "Christian Love".
"Hate the
sin, love the sinner," they say, but they do not seem to understand
that by
calling something beautiful and natural that God created to give
people a way
to express love and caring for each other a "sin" that they are
themselves
doing something that violates the Great Commandment to "Love One
Another". Not only do their actions make us feel unloved by other people, but often times
unloved by
God, which is my personal definition of what "hell" is -- the illusion
created by
fear that God does not love us.
My bisexuality is a gift in more ways than one, but one of
the ways
that I came to realize it as a gift from God is how open and loving
and
accepting it has caused me to be towards people that I might not have
otherwise been able to feel the same deep compassion for. I feel no
barriers
in my love. I am not merely referring to romantic or sexual
love but to a
compassionate love. Were AIDS and HIV not something I should be
concerned
about myself, would I have devoted the same time and compassion that
I have to
helping to end it and offer hope and compassion to those who have
it? If I
were exclusively heterosexual or homosexual, would I be able to be
understanding and compassionate and open to those with alternative
marriages
and commitments that are beyond what today's mainstream society would
consider
"acceptable" or "appropriate"? (That is not to say that all
bisexuals
have non-traditional relationships by any means at all. Many are
happily and
monogamously married/committed, but others have different types of
relationships.) Would I be as passionately committed to ending
all hate
and sexual discrimination if I did not understand how it feels to be
both
homosexual and heterosexual at the same time, where whenever I hear
anyone in
either community or those in between where I am slighted or
slandered? Would
I be as open to differences had I not realized how different society
deems me
and my LGBT brothers and sisters in Christ and other faith
communities?
Would I have used the gift God gave me to write and communicate with
others to
help others find peace and hope so fervently had I not had that need
myself?
The answer to all of these questions is a resounding no. God had a
Plan, and
God has one for you, whosoever you are. God needs LGBT children
just as much
as heterosexual ones to fill in the masterpiece of Creation and the
diverse
rainbow that is the eternally loving and creative Spirit of God.
Human love, as I learned with much difficulty and pain, is one of God's
greatest gifts, as God shares love with us through other wonderful people who
come like angels into our lives, very often when we need it the very most.
But there is the issue of how our Creator gave us free will, and no matter how
much we may desire a relationship with someone who may no longer feel about us
the way we feel about them, no matter how deeply God may desire for that
relationship to continue for us, sometimes we have to allow that person to go
their way and know that God will provide love for us.
Had I not experienced the horrible end to that relationship, I would
not have been able to come to such a deep awareness and actualization of God's
love for me as the person who I was made to be. When I came back to God after
years away, I recall asking God one Sunday in church during silent prayer,
"What can I do for You?" To which I was answered "Reach all those who mught
otherwise never be reached with Christ's true Message: God's Unconditional
Love for everyone." And when I joined the denomination I belong to, only
knowing that they were accepting of gays/lesbians, to joyfully find out later
that they were not afraid to include bisexuals and transgendered folks in that
belief, it was more affirmation that it was coming time to share with others
like me how deeply God loves me and has loved me. That realization alone was
an incredible feeling that brought me to tears -- this time tears of joy.
Love is how I am able to discern that something is from God. Every time
I have been somewhere where I felt God's Presence more intensely or profoundly
than others such as my church, my support group, or around a positive friend it
never fails that I see the words, "Unconditional Love" somewhere. Yet it is
so much more than that -- it is a feeling. When I feel love, I know God is
there with me. And although human love led me to a deeper and more profound
expereince of God, nothing can compare to the feeling that comes from knowing
God's Love, especailly when we realize that the love we expereince in our
lives is God's way of bringing us a bit closer to understanding what Jesus
meant by the Kingdom of Heaven. I have been, in my life, in churches that
seemed a little like "whitewashed tombs" to me, or in churches where I felt a
profound sense of fear. I recall someone saying perfect love would
cast out fear. "Fear" and "God" just don't go together for me. Same with "fear"
and "love". (Especailly when the Bible uses the words "fear not" 365
times -- one for every day!) I have also been in places that many churches would
consider "pits of sin" and being "in the presence of sinners" where I have
felt more of a presence of God's inclusive love than any church I have ever
set foot in. God's Love to me truly has no boundaries. God's love is for
everyone -- that is what I want everyone to know. Call me a "liberal evangelical"
if you will, but as the song says "the Lord of Love has come to me, and I want
to pass it on".
Isn't that the greatest gift we can give someone, the gift of letting
them know that God loves them? If we love them shouldn't we, after all, tell
them the real Truth, the real Good News, that God wants a personal
relationship with them, one they dont have to "change" for? I reflect on the
Great Commandment again, and how I have learned that above all things Jesus
taught that we love God when we love others. That is how we show our gratitude
to God for all the blessings we have received in our lives, by sharing the
Kingdom with others -- just by being loving. Praise God for giving us so many
unique, different and diverse ways to share the love that is the fabric of God
and the thread holding all Creation together, a thread that fear can never
unravel. A love that casts out all fears and doubts.
I think that some Christians may be so caught up in all the tiny rules
and regulations because when Jesus calls us to love even our enemies, those
who would do us harm, it can be such a challenge at times. Yet we are called
to do so as LGBT Christians. We are so used
to the frailties of human love that we at times tend to forget the absolutely
fathomless depths of God's Love for us -- a love and forgiveness that we seek to
understand through understanding and discerning the words given to us by God
through Jesus Christ. We should remember that we are conduits for God's
love, called to share the eternal Love God has blessed us with with those who
long to experience it.
I know that in my personal relationship with God that I have found True
Love -- one that will last forever. I am so happy that God reached out to me
and helped me to realize that I was never supposed to hide the light God
blessed me with and intended for me to share through sharing my own story of
self acceptance and realization with others. I am liberated through God's
love from what was a horrible veil of fear, secrecy, and internalized self
hate. Those of you reading this who might be feeling distant from God right
now take it to heart that no one, no matter what they say or do to make you
feel bad, can ever take God's love away from you.
The greatest of all the gifts God has given us is love. If you feel
unloved, God longs to embrace you. If you feel loved by God, I encourage you
to let someone who needs God's love in their life, who seeks to know God but
has felt cast out due to fear, know that God loves them. It is the greatest
gift we as Christians can give one another. And if you ever want to know where
you can find God when you experience the illusion we sometimes can, always
remember that you need look no further than the love in your heart and the
love that is shown to you through the loving actions of others -- the smile, the
hug, from the smallest display of affection from a loved one to the largest
gesture of compassion from a stranger -- for wherever love can be found, there
also can be found the fingerprints of our eternally loving Creator, who so
loved us that Jesus was sent to communicate that to us. What better way to
show our thanks than to let that love flow through all of us, whoever we are,
to light up the whole world, especially the lives of those who have waited in
darkness for God to show up. It's up to us, and if we follow Christ's example
of love, there is no telling how many lives we could illuminate.
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by Reinhold Niebuhr
by Thich Nhat Hanh, Tich Nhat Hahn
Also In This Issue:
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