Toward hope and healing for cartoon homosexuals.
Our organization ECODUS (Enforcing Cartoons or Drawings to Underscore Straightness) has been working to save Tinky Winky from a gay lifestyle. And we can be successful. *
Thousands of cartoon characters can be drawn away from homosexual identities and lifestyles. Bert and Ernie have been urban "bachelors" for over 20 years. Smithers from The Simpsons can't seem to break his unnatural crush on his boss, Mr. Burns. Velma from Scooby Doo is very masculine when compared to her counterpart crime fighter, Daphne. GI Joe serves in silence in the military under "Don't Ask. Don't Tell." Peppermint Patty allows her relationship to go beyond a normal friendship by inviting Marcie to stay over on occasion. Batman and Robin continue their farce of crime fighting, while violating Gotham's sodomy laws. Bugs Bunny frequently dresses in women's clothes, and repeatedly kisses Elmer Fudd, another longtime "bachelor."
Through ECODUS, there is hope for all of your cartoon friends and loved ones.
Change your color.
Homosexual recovery is a process that occurs over time. Changing Tinky Winky's color from passionate purple to a nice country peach won't be easy. It does not mean that his desires or proclivities will stop immediately. But we'll force the color switch anyway.
Tinky Winky may still develop attractions towards Dipsy (the mischievous green Teletubby). But if we are successful in removing the underlying causes of such attractions, those feelings usually lessen in both frequency and intensity. Tinky Winky may even marry Laa Laa or Po, and hopefully have children.
If we can save Tinky Winky, we can help others, too. We have suggestions for the show's producers to ensure normal gender roles. We are suggesting male Teletubbies take up a masculine sport such as wrestling. The female Teletubbies should answer to the males, and do more cleaning or cooking in aprons.
A recent resolution by the American Psychological Association condemning "reparative therapy" for homosexuals may frighten Tinky Winky and other characters from our advice. But we will force it on them anyway. Tinky Winky can shed his triangular antennae and put in its place a shortened nub.
If a cartoon character you know or love is struggling with homosexuality, show them this ad. If you truly love your cartoon characters, you'll tell them the truth.
For information on contacting an ex-gay cartoon ministry in your area, please consult your local Acme phonebook.
* As in previous conversions, none of the cases have been documented scientifically. We just don't have the time.