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Black, Gay and Spiritual
To know Jesus with all my heart and to seek his blessed face with
my soul; to understand his life and how he lives in me; to be pleasing
before his sight; and for him to one day call me home and say, "well
done, thy good and faithful servant." These are the things most
important to me now.
It was Jesus when Momma and I openly discussed my homosexuality for
the first time because it was unplanned by either of us. It turns out
most of my family knew and still loved and respected me. It's no longer
neccessary for everyone to know because God knows and he loves me. God
has given me the strength to stand up and be proud of who and what I am.
The Bible says,"I am that am by the grace of God. I can do all things
through Christ which strengthens me. Greater is He that is in me than he
that is in the world."
It was Jesus when I walked through campus several weeks ago and some
guys tried to point out my being gay. My response to them was, "Thank
you, I know" and then I walked away. The Bible says, "The Lord therefore
judge between me and thee, and see, and plead my cause, and deliver me
out of thine hand. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not
unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and shall
direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and
depart from evil."
It was Jesus when most of my life I was verbally and physically
persecuted because my mannerisms seemed to suggest I was a homosexual,
and yet I'm still here. The Bible says, "the Lord is my light and my
salvation; whom I shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of
whom shall I be afraid?"
It was Jesus when as a teenager I found myself confused because of
what I felt on the inside as compared to what others said on the
outside. I prayed and prayed, asking God, "Lord me, why me? Why do some
people seem to hate me because I don't tell them if I like guys or girls
when asked because it's my business? Why won't they just accept the fact
I'm excelling in school and so who I date shouldn't be of any concern to
them? Lord, I want to serve you as a part of this church, but I find
myself at odds the church when the pastor preaches about gays and his
congregation responds with feelings of digust, anguish, and
disappointment? Lord, am I a disgrace to you, to my family, or the very
ones I love and cherish? Am I somebody's black sheep, God? Do I have to
wonder what will people say and how they feel whenever they're around
me? Lord, I love you, but some of your people seem to hate me. God, how
much longer do you expect me to go through such pain! Lord, I'm tired!
Lord, I'm upset! Help me, Lord...I need you!" I look back over my life
and I now realize what the Bible means when it says, "for all things
work together for the good of them that love Him and are called
according to his purpose." All of my trials come to make me strong; if I
never had any rain in my life, how then will I grow?
I write this to not only share with you a small part of my story,
but to let others know that God's grace is sufficient for you. Being gay
will not put you on the road to Hell because with all sins, burdens, and
crosses (i.e. anything and everthing both good and bad) one must bear in
one's life. There is repentance of sin, forgiveness. The Bible says, "But
if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship in
one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all
sin." It is up to you if you will decide to follow God and seek him for
yourself. God is an individual God, and he responds to each and every
person individually.
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