Black, Gay and Spiritual

by: Shurron M. Farmer


To know Jesus with all my heart and to seek his blessed face with my soul; to understand his life and how he lives in me; to be pleasing before his sight; and for him to one day call me home and say, "well done, thy good and faithful servant." These are the things most important to me now.

It was Jesus when Momma and I openly discussed my homosexuality for the first time because it was unplanned by either of us. It turns out most of my family knew and still loved and respected me. It's no longer neccessary for everyone to know because God knows and he loves me. God has given me the strength to stand up and be proud of who and what I am. The Bible says,"I am that am by the grace of God. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world."

It was Jesus when I walked through campus several weeks ago and some guys tried to point out my being gay. My response to them was, "Thank you, I know" and then I walked away. The Bible says, "The Lord therefore judge between me and thee, and see, and plead my cause, and deliver me out of thine hand. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil."

It was Jesus when most of my life I was verbally and physically persecuted because my mannerisms seemed to suggest I was a homosexual, and yet I'm still here. The Bible says, "the Lord is my light and my salvation; whom I shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

It was Jesus when as a teenager I found myself confused because of what I felt on the inside as compared to what others said on the outside. I prayed and prayed, asking God, "Lord me, why me? Why do some people seem to hate me because I don't tell them if I like guys or girls when asked because it's my business? Why won't they just accept the fact I'm excelling in school and so who I date shouldn't be of any concern to them? Lord, I want to serve you as a part of this church, but I find myself at odds the church when the pastor preaches about gays and his congregation responds with feelings of digust, anguish, and disappointment? Lord, am I a disgrace to you, to my family, or the very ones I love and cherish? Am I somebody's black sheep, God? Do I have to wonder what will people say and how they feel whenever they're around me? Lord, I love you, but some of your people seem to hate me. God, how much longer do you expect me to go through such pain! Lord, I'm tired! Lord, I'm upset! Help me, Lord...I need you!" I look back over my life and I now realize what the Bible means when it says, "for all things work together for the good of them that love Him and are called according to his purpose." All of my trials come to make me strong; if I never had any rain in my life, how then will I grow?

I write this to not only share with you a small part of my story, but to let others know that God's grace is sufficient for you. Being gay will not put you on the road to Hell because with all sins, burdens, and crosses (i.e. anything and everthing both good and bad) one must bear in one's life. There is repentance of sin, forgiveness. The Bible says, "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship in one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin." It is up to you if you will decide to follow God and seek him for yourself. God is an individual God, and he responds to each and every person individually.


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