The Power of Prayer
Very recently I have had the great privilege of trying to discover the
true power of prayer. The past three months have brought me one of the most
difficult times in my life, and because of this trial I have had to re-assess
my faith in God and my prayer life. During this time I have been able to
take a look at what my perceptions of faith were, and how they were formed.
Sifting through a lot preconceived ideas about prayer, I have begun to challenge
24 years of beliefs. Needless to say, it has been a very enlightening three
months and my growth as a Christian and as a member of the gay and lesbian
community has been tremendous.
My life as a lesbian has taken me through a lot of different stages in my
faith and in my walk with Christ. When I first came out at the age of 19,
I was ostracized from the prayer group that I belonged to and was shunned
by many of my Christian friends. These events led me away from God because
I figured that if that was what Christianity was all about, I wanted nothing
to do with it. The God that I had been raised to love was not judgmental
and accepted everyone for who they were. Why now were people condemning
me in the Name of Christ? My prayer life particularly suffered because the
loss of my prayer network left me feeling alone and unsupported. Approaching
God with my concerns and desires seemed a very frightening and overwhelming
thing. It took me a long time to recover from that, and when I did, things
began to go really well in my life. I believe that it is in the good times
that people tend to let their relationship with Christ and their faith slack.
I know I did. Because I was not in a state of despair, it did not seem an
urgent task to rekindle my desire to know God. It has not been until now
that I have fully regained the realization of my need for Christ in my life,
and that the best way to let Him in is through daily time spent with Him
in prayer.
Three months ago my domestic partner of four years and I broke up. It was
not something that I wanted, and it has been devastating. From the day I
moved out of our apartment I began to pray to God for my every need. Where
would I live? How would I eat? All of these needs have been met, and more.
Matthew 6:25-34 tells us that we need not worry about our lives; that God
will never let us go without the necessities that we need. I have never
found this to be more true than now.
In the beginning I called out to God to restore my relationship. Though
that has not happened yet, something even more wonderful has. In wanting
desperately for God to hear and answer my prayer, I took it upon myself
to learn all I could about prayer and having faith. While I poured over
books, I learned very basic yet important things that I suppose I had known
all along, but never fully realized until now. I learned that God wants
to have a personal relationship with us, and that He wants to give us the
desires of our hearts. I have learned that it is through prayer that we
grow closer to God and it is through prayer that we can hear God's voice
speaking to us. Because I was hurting and went to God with one specific
request, the restoration of my relationship, I have learned to go to Him
with everything. My relationship with Christ is now growing deeper every
day, and I look forward to my prayer time with Him. By learning to wait
on the Lord for the answers to my prayers, I am deepening my faith and my
love for the God who has never forsaken me and never let me down. I have
seen the answers to many prayers, and have learned that persistence pays
off. I now look with excitement and expectation around all of life's corners,
waiting to see how God will answer me next! The power of prayer is not just
how God will answer our prayers, it is the realization that the actual power
comes as we learn how to love and communicate with Him better.
Is there such a thing as homospirituality? I would have to answer a resounding
yes. As an oppressed people I think that we have to dig even deeper into
our faith lest we be convinced by the religious right that we have no business
looking to God to fulfill our needs. I think that we have to be that much
more in tune with God's will for our lives as we pray daily, because it
is harder for us to turn to others and say "Hey, my partner and I are
having problems. Could you pray for us?" I do not know if the gay and
lesbian community has necessarily been given "special" blessings
by God, for I feel that God truly blesses all those who love Him. I do think,
however, that because I have to work just a little bit harder to express
my faith, I am more aware of the blessings that I receive, and a lot less
likely to take them for granted.