And behold, a woman who had suffered from a hemorrhage for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment;
for she said to herself, "If I only touch his garment, I shall be made well."
Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, "Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well." And instantly the woman was made well.

Matthew 9:20-22

My mother told me a story about my childhood of which I have no recollection. She says one night, as she was leaving my bedroom, I begged her to stay. She asked why, and I replied, "Because I don't want to be alone." My mother told me that I wasn't alone, that God was with me. I told her, "I know, but I want someone I can touch."

I had to chuckle at her recounting of the story, since nothing much has changed in my life since that moment. I still fear being alone ... and I still want someone I can touch. I understand the woman's need to reach out and touch Jesus. She was desperate to make some sort of physical contact with the man people were saying could heal her flow of blood. If she just touched Jesus, then her dream of healing would come true.

I envy the woman for her opportunity to actually touch the garment of Jesus. In my need to have something concrete, something physical I can hold on to, I read of this woman and wish I were her ... able to feel the rough texture of Jesus' garment as he passed by. How real Jesus was to her! He was right there in front of her! She was able to physically touch the Son of God! What's not to envy?

My mother is right, however. I am not alone. God is here ... I am still able to touch the garment of Jesus, even if it is only figuratively. How much have I missed by clinging so desperately to the idea that if I can't physically touch it, I can't possibly believe in it or find comfort in it? How many times was Jesus ready to heal me of my loneliness and despair if only I would have reached for his garment through my prayers? How often have I cried out in my hopelessness, not realizing that Jesus' garment was within reach all the time?

I learn now from the story that I have missed the entire point of faith and prayer. My prayer has always been for the concrete .. the ability to touch and to feel another human being .. and even for the ability to touch and feel God. It's interesting to read Jesus' response to the woman. It wasn't her ability to touch Jesus that made her well. The physical act of caressing the garment of Jesus did not stop the flow of blood that she had suffered. No, Jesus told her "your faith has made you well."

It's not in the concrete, touchable things that we find our hope, our happiness and our ultimate healing ... it is in our faith. Ultimately, nothing I can touch will heal my loneliness or my despair ... it is only the things I can't see and touch ... my faith, that will make me whole.

Blessings,
Candace