And he replied, "Who are my mother and my brothers?" And looking at those who sat around him, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother."

Mark 3:33-35 (NRSV)

One of my favorite shows on TV is the continuing drama called "Judging Amy." It focuses on an extremely tight "biological family." They are all educated, working for the betterment of the world (secular humanists), and ... close. I have admired the writers of this series because of the careful way they blend the dialogue around the complex issues that occur in this "fictitious" family's life. Solely for entertainment and some thought provoking wisdom, I have never missed an episode. You see, I was put into a foster care home at the age of 14 and a family such as this would have been perfect ... or so it seems. One night all of that changed.

This year's season finale had the youngest son telling his family that he would be moving with his girlfriend to California and leaving his home in Connecticut for the first time in his life. This became too much for his only sister and she confronts their mother on the issue. Maxine (the mother) tells Amy (the sister) that "It's not the letting go that hurts. It's the holding on." I was stunned! Since I had taped that particular episode, I rewound the VHS tape to make sure that I had heard it right. Yes ... I had. And at that point, I knew that God had given me the key to a prayer that seemed unanswered.

I had been praying about certain "abandonment issues and separation issues" within my own biological family. Although I had left that family behind many years ago, keeping my distance but still keeping in touch ... I still felt "trapped" with the feeling that I wanted this family back. What I hadn't realized was that I had not let God take the lead in my life on this issue. At that point I knew that it was time to take my life in a different direction and quit harboring all of the fears of the past. You see, I could not let go of the "fictitious" past! And the family that I thought I was denied as a child, was nothing more than a fictitious dream made up in my mind, just as these writers had created this "fictional" TV family.

Being gay and Christian, I believe, is a faith system that teaches us to let go and more importantly, to stop holding on. We must let go of our fears, our judgments, our selves. We must not hold on to doctrines and dogmas that dictate that we are not welcome. It means letting go of prejudices, resentment and, in some cases, biological family ties. Unfortunately, for many of us this becomes all too apparent as we "come out" to those who we have shared most of our lives with. All too often, we are abandoned by our Churches, our friends and our biological families which forces us into creating our own.

In the scripture above, Jesus doesn't tell us to abandon our "biological" families. He is simply telling us that there is an alternative, that we have an option. That option is to be with those who are most like us. Who will care for us and listen to us as we go through the emotional times of our lives. Who will understand us and be there for us in our time of need.

I believe it to be a blessing, for those persons who identify as GLBT, to have strong biological ties to their families that are open and affirming to them, loving them no matter what. However, I also believe that God has given us an even greater gift when we are subjected to the harsh realities that many families just don't feel that we can be a part of them anymore because of our sexual orientation. We have a choice and that choice is called a "chosen family." So, if we quit "holding on" perhaps with God's help ... we can create something new. It may not replace what has been, but it certainly will enhance what will be.