Only the present moment is real and available to us. The peace we desire is not in some distant future, but it is something we can realize in the present moment.

Thich Nhat Hanh
Interbeing

As I continue to struggle with my own feelings of loneliness and despair, these two sentences create a conflict within me. Yes, on a fundamental level, I understand that the present moment is the only real and available thing we have right now. The past is gone, the future remains ahead of us. But, it's finding the peace of the moment that continues to elude me. Right now the peace I desire is in some distant moment.

I feel as though I'm making progress, however. There was a situation in my past that was tripping me up in the present, sapping my energy, and pulling me away from being in the here and now. I have taken definitive steps to bring closure to that part of my past and move on. It's been hard and heart-breaking, but it's also been liberating and encouraging.

Upon making a break from this situation though, I found myself in a deeper chasm of despair. Now, I am truly alone. Maybe for the first time in my life I have reached a point of truly being alone. I'm not saying this for any of you to feel badly for me, because I'm not sure I feel all that bad about it. I think I've reached this point for a reason .. not to despair .. but to learn. To find oneself truly alone ... and then make oneself present in that place of being alone ... is difficult and uncomfortable. We avoid coming to this place at all costs. And if we find ourselves here .. we clamor to get out as quickly as possible.

Now that I find myself here, I feel drawn to sit awhile. I find myself wanting to fully understand the source of my loneliness ... befriend it, maybe ... and learn a little something from it. My loneliness is the present moment ... it's the only thing real and available to me right now. If I can't find peace in this moment, when will I ever find peace?

Where are you? Some of you may be in the same place I am ... doing all you can to get out of your loneliness and despair. Sit here with me awhile ... let's find peace in our loneliness ... for one day our loneliness will be gone. If we practice finding peace now, in our loneliness, then peace in our joy will be so much more meaningful.

Blessings,
Candace