"When the Lord saw that [Moses] turned aside to look, God called to him from the midst of the bush and said, "Moses, Moses!" And he said, "Here I am."

Exodus 3:4 (NASB)

Recently I had a bit of trouble trying to get commitments done. Part of this was due to health reasons but most of it was neglected because I just "didn't have it in me". Well, that's what I kept telling myself, when in fact, I simply didn't feel worthy enough or smart enough or inspired enough to do the things that I had committed my time to. I had built up a protective "wall" of sorts.

A short while back, I had a disagreement with someone that caused our friendship to sever. It was a hurtful situation and I was angry that it happened in the way that it did. It took awhile before I realized that the protective "wall" was nothing but an old-fashioned grudge, which was something that I had believed I was not capable of doing. Obviously, I was very capable of it!

The whole time that this was happening, life moved on. I kept getting some ideas for devotionals and writing them down and throwing them away. I would wake up at night with an idea and not write it down for further investigation when I was fully awake. I wouldn't pay attention to what was really happening. And I was giving excuses to the Editor of this magazine as to why I hadn't written anything for awhile.

I kept praying that God would show my friend that he was wrong. I prayed that God would show my friend the error of his ways. What I didn't ask God for was to help me eliminate the grudge. I didn't even ask God for forgiveness. You see I wanted God to do my will…not God's will. I finally expressed myself to another friend about the situation. He informed me that I needed to seek God's will instead of my own.

As I thought about this, I thought about all of the ideas I had thrown away. All the missed opportunities and all of the words that could have been written that may have helped someone. God had been calling me all along to come to [Him] with the right prayer. "God - Not my will but Yours be done."

I prayed for my lost friend last night. I asked God to forgive him and me. I asked God to help me break down the walls that "I" had built up that stopped me from doing, what I believe is, God's work. As my prayers came to a close, a wave of release came over me and I finally felt like I had sought God for the right reasons, for I asked [His] will to be done in a situation that I was carrying on my own. The "wall" had become too heavy and God gave me release. The wall is starting to crumble.

Today, as I looked back on this situation, I realized that during the whole time, God had been calling me to continue with his work, no matter what my feelings were or what the situation was. I just needed to pay attention to [Him]. God was talking to me through the ideas and positive thoughts that I was having. I had been too preoccupied with my own self made "wall," that I didn't recognize that "wee small voice" that kept calling me back to the job at hand. And I didn't take time to say, "Here I am."

Prayer: Creator of all things, keep me reminded that it is your will, not mine, that is important. Help me to see the needs of others, before my own. Forgive me and those who harm me. Here I am, Lord…use me. Amen